Lady Gaga and Shopping.

Today, I did two very exciting things: a) drove on the freeway, and b) went shopping!

I know that driving on the freeway isn't actually exciting, at least not for normal people, but I've been terrified of the freeway for a long time and I've realized it's hindered my abilities to be a normal part of society as an independant young woman. So I am slowly getting into it and soon I will be unstoppable!

And, shopping. Oh how I love shopping. I've become a smarter shopper than I used to be (shopping things I KNOW I will wear, and only things I absolutely love) but I still sometimes snap and spend way too much. Like today. Even though I love (LOVE) all my purchases, I can't help but feel just a little buyer's remorse. I haven't bought any of my clothes I need for recruitment yet, and that's going to cost a lot...plus, my employment at home is coming to a hiatus pretty soon so unless I get a job in Seattle pretty soon, I won't have a steady source of income anymore.

So I PROMISE--no more purchases until I shop for absolutely necessary things!

Also, on Lady Gaga.

I was musing today, and I think that Lady Gaga's career is going to go one of these two ways:

1) She's going to marry that boyfriend of hers and be like "I am retiring. I am a classic housewife. I always have been. My heart has been empty in showbiz," and go out with a bang and then be a stay-at-home mom for the rest of her life.

Or, 2) She's going to freak out and be all "I can't do it anymore. Hollywood has taken it's soul-numbing toll on my body and mind. I am the Fame Monster. WHOOSH!" And like disappear and live off the grid for the rest of her life.

Kick-Off to a New Year

I don't even know where to begin! We had a family reunion this weekend in Eastern WA with my wildly colorful extended family, and I was threatening to blog about it all week, but now I have total blogger's block!

It was really, really fun. I saw some cousins I haven't seen in a while. With incidents like my cousin Ryan telling me about the aliens coming for me, sometimes I almost felt like I was nine again, except with more people sneaking me alcohol! There were adorable little kids to play with and great music (until I accidentally deleted my cousin-in-law's artfully planned playlist!!) and great company!

My sister Hailey and I went to my aunt's house early with my cousin Randi to spend some time with my aunt, uncle, cousin, and her little girls before all the rest of the fam came. It was so great to be in the sun with some of my favorite family members; I really had a wonderful time!

Some of my favorite memories include but are not limited to: Joking around with my cousin Randi (CLASSIC lemonade!), making fun of my cousin Bobby's Canadian accent ("A hooooge auwl!!"), dancing with my little cousins, and watching True Blood with my aunt Roberta.

It was a great bow to wrap up my summer. Move-in is starting to creep up on me, and there's a lot to do and shop for (yay!) before then. Of course I'm starting to freak out about that a little, but more on that later (I bet you can't wait!) and I have a lot to look forward to in September!
Week One: Moving In.
Week Two: Work Week (getting ready for rush).
Week Three: Rush.
Week Four: Dawg Daze Volunteering (kick-off for the freshmen).
Week Five: Recital Choir Callbacks and First Day of Sophomore Year!

Whew. Luckily I like being busy, so I can't wait.

Also, looking at the photos from this weekend has shown me that I SUPER need to lose weight. I look like a troll in most of them. Can I do it by September??

Cheers,
Malia

Pedestrian Peeves.

Even though I am one most of the time, I really really dislike pedestrians while I'm driving. Especially the ones who cross in front of you in parking lots. Especially when you don't even get an acknowledging thank-you wave! Or when they run with those little steps that doesn't make them go any faster but makes them look stupid.

No seriously. They drive me crazy.

Cherry Bomb!

As far back as I can remember, I've always been a swirl of emotion and thoughts, impulsive and bouncing off the walls. Whenever I have to make a decision, I need to make a concious effort to not do what first pops into my mind, but to clear my head, think about it, figure out what my best option is.

I really admire people who can be calm and content. I've known people who seem to be my complete opposite, and I'm so grateful for them because sometimes it's good to realize: wait, I don't have to freak out about this, do I? Will this even matter in ten years? Ten minutes??

The other day I was feeling really calm, even content. Immediately I started growing uneasy. It's almost like I was thinking "oh GREAT. What's going to come along and ruin this peace I've somehow stumbled into? Something HAS to ruin it, right??" But I've struggled with that type of thinking for forever. I've been noticing this pattern I have, where every time I really feel happy and like I have everything ahead of me, I start trying to sabatoge myself with some new (or old) worry, thought, anything that disrupts feeling happy and peaceful. And I don't know why I do that to myself, but I'm trying to notice it and stop it now that I'm more aware of it.

In the meantime, taking time out of my day to focus on breathing and meditate on being peaceful has been really helpful. It still takes a lot of effort, but I've noticed that when I'm going through my day and I start getting all crazy about something, I have this place of peace inside me where I can go and just calm down for a second! I'm learning that I just need to let myself be calm instead whizzing from one emotion to another.

Blog at y'all later!

Meditation Hesitation

My mind has been sort of a jumble-y mess lately, which means I've been kind of anxious and just not very centered. So my wise radio DJ cousin suggested I try meditating, and that if I stick with it, I'll get some answers on how to be more peaceful.

So I've been reading up on meditation, and after some yoga, I decided to try it out today. I sat in a comfortable position, came up with a little mantra, and began breathing deeply, clearing my mind, counting to ten...aaahh.

But I couldn't do it. I couldn't sit there long enough to get past three sets of deep breaths before I started checking my phone, looking around, just getting uncomfortable. I tried twice, but I just couldn't get my mind to quiet down.

But...at least I tried? And I'm going to try again tomorrow, and the next day, etc. because I think it's important to find stillness in each day, especially when my mind has been so...unclear.

Maybe next time you hear from me I'll be a meditation expert!

KStew: Love her or Hate her...

...she's here to stay! The actress has been cause of controversy lately, especially since Twilight, the launch pad that catapulted her (slightly unwillingly, it would seem) into fame and fortune.

Though she's been around for longer (Into the Wild, In The Land of Women, even in Panic Room, Speak, and that one movie about kid-bank-robbers as a child/adolescent), it seems like critics and the general public really started paying attention to her career after Twilight. Maybe it's the fact that she handled playing such a hokey character with grace, or just the fact that she was the actress chosen to play the iconic role of Bella. Probably a mixture of both. Either way, suddenly everyone is singing her praises...or are they?

In my opinion (but what do I know?) Kristen does a great job of creating relatable characters through a mix of raw vulnerability and real-person-awkwardness, blending in little idiosyncrasies we the viewers can recognize in ourselves. Kristen has recieved widespread praise for her acting abilities, and critics generally agree that the young actress has a long and bright future ahead of her.

However. The problem that I can't help noticing is that all her roles are very distinctly Kristen. While there's nothing really wrong with that (look at Drew Barrymore for heavens' sake) it's just that her characters start to feel a bit recycled, as I notice character after character doing the same weird Bella stutter and awkward-unsure-of-herself stance. I almost start to wonder if she's just being herself in every character.

But then you read an interview (one very interesting one I read in last month's Elle) and it's more than obvious that Kristen cares deeply about her work. In the interview I read, she was enraged at the allegations that she "doesn't care" about the craft, an impression she's given people due to her alarmingly acute fear and dislike of red carpet events and other "extras" that come with being a celebrity.

She seems to be a very self-deprecating and dark individual, and I wonder where her extreme awkwardness at the events described above comes from. It's clear to anyone she's uncomfortable--remember that weird Bella stutter? It's all over Kristen's publicity events as well as her movies, and so is the awkward stance. She seems so unwilling to be put in the spotlight, and it seems like paparazzi go after her all the more because of this (exhibit A: Her intensely private relationship with RPatz. No one can leave it alone, and it's probably only because the pair refuse to open up about it with anyone).

After all is said and done, though, I think I do like Kristen Stewart. I enjoy her work even though it is all sort of the same, and I find her awkwardness sort of endearing. I just hope she gets over the self-loathing act soon, because in that industry, I'm sure there's always people wlling to do the deprecating for her.

PS: Her new movie, Welcome to the Rileys, looks wonderful. Trailer: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jjK-szKfGFQ&feature=fvst

Book Clubs!

I am dying to join a book club! Me and my friend Jenna were promising we were going to start one at school this year, but...that definitely didn't happen! Nerd Alert: I really just adore reading books and talking about them. I don't know why the idea of reading a book a month with a bunch of other people all together sounds so appealing to me, but it does! And we can meet and eat snacks and discuss our thoughts...sigh. Such bliss!

Anyway, you'd think on my frickin huge campus I'd be able to find a book club, but I don't even know where to look. Once I went with my friend Elle (actually my "big sis" in the sorority) to her "big bro's" book club (I know I know) and it was cool, except for the fact that most of it was spent discussing what to actually read one day and no one ending up actually deciding on anything...but oh well! This big gay guy wanted to read and discuss each month's issue of Cosmo, which didn't sound like a bad idea to me, but for some reason no one else wanted to! Also there was a super...suuuuper cute Men's Glee Club member there, so it wasn't a huge loss...but I ended up only going once.

Anyways, I found one that looks pretty promising....

http://http//www.elliottbaybook.com/node/clubs

so maybe I will fulfill my dream of joining a real live book club this year!

My Inspirations

These are all things that inspire me endlessly.


1. Zooey Deschanel.



My style icon! She is so quirky, offbeat, and charming. I love that she is a celebrity who remains true to who she is and stays under the radar. Confession: I google "Zooey Deschanel style guides" all the time.

Can I just take a minute to sound obsessive? Just listen to all these similarities we have (these are things I did before she even became my icon!): We both wear bangs and cat-eyes, we both like dressing up, we both like dresses and tights, we both like red lipstick, we don't drink, we both drink tea, we both like to read books and watch old movies, we both like to go to the movies, we both like to sing...I know right. It's crazy.

2. Pushing Daisies

This show...is genius. It's all bright colors, quirky characters, sharp dialogue, and fabulous fashion. I could go on and on. The acting is terrific, and the whole cast is just a breath of fresh air. The creator, Bryan Fuller, says it's all about people coming to life...if you haven't watched it yet, I recommend it like I recommend breathing oxygen. It's a necessary experience.

3. Kristin Chenoweth.



I loved her before, but this summer I checked out her book A Little Bit Wicked, a memoir of her early years, her ascent into showbiz, and just behind-the-scenes Kristin, from the library. It's fantastic. She is so optimistic and joyful and has such a down to earth attitude about the whole business of show business. You can tell she absolutely loves what she's doing, and I liked that she discussed dealing with depression despite her chronicly happy persona. I also like that she's a Christian, but she only focuses on Jesus and not all the extra stuff--she supports gay rights, she posed in a bikini shoot for FHM magazine--she's just a cool gal!

There is a Kristin Chenowith quote I discovered in my junior year and I've always tried to live by it (paraphrased): "When you learn to love yourself, with all the flaws, then you can learn to love other people; and that just makes you so happy!" It's not a beautifully crafted saying by any means, but it's simple and fresh and makes so much sense when you learn to actually live it.

I've always been a naturally happy and optimistic person, but there are so many times where I feel like I hit a rut and can't climb back out--an "emotional rabbit hole" as Kristin puts it. I felt that "soul sista" connection when I read her book and she just makes me happy!

And my god, what I wouldn't give to wear that dress!!


And of course, there's Audrey Hepburn, Marilyn Monroe, old movies, The Beatles, Katy Perry and my family...all great inspirations, but this post would be obese if I tried to write about each one! But of course, my biggest inspiration comes from being myself. I'm in the process of figuring out who I actually am and what I'm made of, and it's exciting and wonderful but also really friggin scary. But as I get closer to figuring it all out, I become endlessly inspired to keep moving forward and doing the things I love to do.

My Wish List: Fashion Edition

I know there's no such thing as back-to-school shopping in college, but I've been craving a style update! Here are the main pieces I want to build on. Enjoy!




1. A basic white button-down.



White Oxford Shirt; Old Navy



2. A cream-colored belted trench coat.




Old Navy, "New Construction", Long Button-Front Trench Coat.




3. Bright pumps.


Kawo Pumps at yesstyle.com--I like the pink!





4. A lightweight blazer.




The Boyfriend Blazer; fredflare.com



5.Retro wallet.

Cherry Hardcase Wallet; Minicci Accessories; Payless.




6. Ruffled bag.



Jessica Simpson Runway Satchel.





7. More dresses!




The Naturalist Dress; Modcloth.com






8. Pearly Headband.




Faux Pearl Headband Set; Forever 21




9. Mary-Janes.



Mary Janes, amazon.com



10. Blouses and Skirts






Striped Bow Knit Top; Forever 21 and Lori Tiered Polka Dot Skirt; delias.com.

Please Don't Take Twilight Seriously

Now, you all know that I love Twilight. Judge however you see fit, but I've never met a sparkly, perfectly coiffed vampire I didn't like.







Yeah...I know. Anyways, the thing about Twilight that keeps me coming back (despite questionable quality of the product) is this: it's just like candy! Sparkly, vampire-y, disgustingly romantic candy. I can't stop consuming it, even though I know it has no real value, it's going to make me too hyper, and it's making me gain weight. Every man in it is a perfect gentleman, it's over-the-top romantic, and it's just fun.

But here's the thing. Stephanie Meyer...is CRAZY. Twilight is a weird, Mormon-metaphore-laden, anti-feminist, poorly written modern fairy tale. I don't know what Stephanie Meyer has against her own gender, because this shit is seriously messed up.

So, dear readers, I bring you:

Lessons on Love and Life from Stephanie Meyer.

1. Abusive Behavior from your Significant Other is OK.

No seriously. Edward repeatedly belittles Bella, alone and in front of other people, keeps things from her, acts intensely jealous, controls her, bribes his sister to kidnap Bella while he's away so he can keep tabs on her, all in the name of her "safety." Since the reader has the joy to be in Bella's mind (People Magazine called her "the dullest girl in the Pacific Northwest") we know that Bella has developed issues on issues because of this behavior, but she always blames herself--never Edward. Also, Bella repeatedly chooses to put herself into dangerous and life-threatening situations all in the name of love.
One particularly disturbing event doesn't concern Bella at all, but Sam-the-Werewolf's finacee Emily. Half her face is mauled beyond repair because "Sam lost his temper, and Emily was standing too close." --New Moon. Yeah, I know. And yet Emily still refers to herself as a "wolf girl". Wha??

2. Sex. Is. Bad.

Here's where most of the Mormon comes in. Since Bella is a regular human being, she has a sex drive. And since she is an eighteen-year-old straight female, she really wants to have sex with her boyfriend, who she is in love with. But Edward is much too much of a gentleman to "allow" this. Every time Bella expresses a desire for sex, Edward freaks out and pushes her away, giving her the cold shoulder (literally, since Meyer's vampires' skin is ice-cold!) and making her feel ashamed. He says it's too "dangerous" and he might "lose control." Uh, that's the point, Edward, hasn't centuries of repeating high school sex ed taught you anything? Well...probably not LOL.
Here's where the Mormon thing realllly comes in. Edward says they can have sex when Bella becomes a vampire, which Bella really wants to do because she thinks it's the only world where she really fits in, and she never feels fully accepted by the Cullen family until she does become a vampire. Edward leaves Bella in New Moon, but then returns because it's lurrrrve and the promise of Bella becoming a vampire now hangs in the air. Gag. The whole series ends [spoiler alert] with Bella becoming a part of a big happy baby-filled Mormon--I MEAN VAMPIRE--family. Yay!

3. Fun is Dumb.

Bella and Edward NEVER have fun. They're always staring into each others' eyes and torturedly discussing the future, who's the latest villain trying to kill them, blah blah blah. Oy my blood pressure. And every normal person having fun, going to prom, etc. is seen as totally lame and trivial. Whaaatever.

4. Frat Boys? Really??

OK so you know that part in Twilight when Bella almost gets gang-banged by a bunch of scummy guys in some alley in Port Angeles, but then Edward rides in on his trusty Shiny Silver Volvo and saves her from certain virtue-less doom?
Well, in the credits of the movie, they're called Frat Guys. STEPHANIE! What are we going to do with you? Frat boys are mostly douchey, yes, and some can be creepy, but I DOUBT they hang out in packs in alleyways waiting to gang-rape seventeen-year-olds at like 8:30 pm. Or at least not in Seattle.

5. Women Are Idiots.

Oh, I could go on forever. But basically any woman who is not in a solid monogamous relationship, who goes out with different boys, who seems to have any personality, or who expresses disdain for Bella in anyway, are seen as stupid, bitchy, or just...bad.

And the fact that Bella is such a drab, boring, whiny, annoying heroine is just the cherry on top of this sugary pink cupcake of a series =) but seriously, Stephanie Meyer said that she gave Bella no personality on purpose so that she would be "relatable." Ohhh, so that's the demographic.

Anyways, there's always more I could go on about, but those are my top 5. I think me and Jasper should run away together to a better book series.



MMhmm. He can suck my blood anytime.

Summer Weather Makes Your Heart Beat Better

Yes...it's been quite a while, but I decided I'd start blogging again, since I have thoughts. Not that I haven't been having thoughts while I haven't been blogging, but you know what I mean!

Freshman year of colly all finished! It's so strange, I almost feel like it's last summer and I haven't even gone to college yet...Marysville is boring. I like being home and getting to spend time with my family, but I just don't feel like I have much to do here.

I feel like I'm in an awkward phase where I'm growing up but I'm still so dependant on my parents and I don't know how to have my own my life! But then I realized: if I felt perfectly happy and content right now, then I wouldn't be trying to grow and find my own corner of the sky..you know? So maybe being frustrated and uncontent isn't a bad thing; it's just a thing. And it will pass, and I will grow up, and I will find my joy.

In yoga class my teacher always said to look into yourself and see who you are and how you feel at that exact moment, and without trying to change it or judging it, to accept it, love it, and move on. I realize I've been grasping for this imaginary Malia who exists in the possible future, instead of seeing who I am right now and accepting that I am enough.

Right now, I am outside, the sun is shining, I cooked two things today (!), I have a flower in my hair, and I'm watching my sister and dog play. I feel content in this moment and I'm happy for that!


Happy it's summer!

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There's Nothing You Can Do that Can't be Done

I'm feeling...optimistic.

After a while of having kind of having a hard time adjusting to a new place, new people all around me, a mind-warping breakup,and trying to figure out some kind of independence, I think I'm starting to realize that it's all going to be OK if I just keep my head up high and stay true to myself.

When things get tough, I'll always have someone to talk to, someone to pray to, someone to help me out. And I'll always have myself--I'm stronger than I often give myself credit for.

This week, I've been happier than I have in a long time. This could be because of any number of things, but I'd rather not overanalyze it. I'm just taking it one day at a time, and that mind set has helped. Moment to moment balance.

I hope everyone is safe tonight. Take care of yourselves.

To Light the Night, To Help us Grow

I have had this beautiful song stuck in my head all day. It is just the prettiest song I think I've ever heard! "Little House" by Amanda Seyfried. It's on youtube--go listen to it and sob because you've seen Dear John and your heart just wants to break into a million pieces and love is the most beautiful thing in the world!

I just want to say this: I love weird people. I love people who are so freakin weird that they bring a guitar with them wherever they go and pretty soon everyone at rehearsal is singing "Let the Sunshine In" and dancing. Being around people like that makes my soul a little glow-y.

And we're all like that, aren't we? We all have weird thoughts running through our heads all the time, far-off dreams that we wouldn't dare tell anybody. I think the world would be a better place if we all just let our freak flags fly. "Be yourself with as much tender intensity as you can muster"--the best horoscope I ever read.

In tenth grade my choir teacher talked to us about "the coolness cop." The coolness cop is the little (or big) voice in your head that stops you from trying, stops you from sharing, stops you from doing anything that you think would make you look less "cool". You know that really awkward feeling you get when you want to do something but something inside you makes you nervous? So then you don't do it and you feel less like yourself and a little ashamed at letting that awkward feeling get the best of you (because my god, who cares?). It's the coolness cop. Well, he told us we need to ignore the coolness cop--recognize it, and then say no thank you, I'm going to just be myself. And that was one of the most valuble lessons I learned in school (or in tenth grade choir class, anyway).

Just things I've been thinking lately.

Also I keep having this feeling that my body is going to jump out my skin. Is that normal?

Sky Bridge to the IMA

I love my yoga class. I LOVE it. It's one of those simple things that you pay for with your own money you got for Christmas that you go to just for yourself that just makes you really happy.

I always walk in there all stressed out and tense, but after the hour I feel wonderful and loose and like I really can do it. There are a ton of old people in my class--and I mean the elderly, not just a nineteen year old calling a 40-year-old old--and I think that is just so cool. I hope when I'm elderly and creaky, I'll be going to a yoga class. It's kind of inspiring.

To get to the gym, there's a big bridge thing with all these steps you take to the top that takes you right over all the cars and everything, and then you make your way back down the steps to the gym's path. In my head I like to call it the Sky Bridge to the IMA. This amuses me endlessly, for some reason. When I walk on it, I always imagine this colorful musical scene where people are singing a song...called "Sky Bridge to the IMA." It has a very similar tune to "Jesus Christ Superstar" but more in the style of Xanadu.

Anyways. Here are some lessons yoga has taught me I was thinking about today:

"Moment to Moment Balance": This is something my yoga teacher always says when she has us do a challenging balance pose. It means that you don't worry about the end result; you just focus on what your body is telling you now, with every movement you make. When you can balance on one move, you can move on to the next.
It's the same as with life: why do I worry about what I can't see in the distant future when I should be focused on who I am right now and balancing this moment in my life so I can move on to the next?

"Every Body is Different": This is something both my yoga teachers always say whenever we do any pose. They tell me not worry; that if I can't do something someone else can, it's OK because I am a different body than them. I'll get there in time; even if I don't that's OK. It's more important to just be me and respect myself.

"Breathe": Stop stressing out about things. Breathe deeply, through your whole body, and let your body relax. Things will come and you'll be fine; just breathe.


Here's what's Important: Breathing. Smiling at people. Loving people. Not discriminating who you think you should be friends with; let people surprise you. Beign who you are and saying what you feel--if anybody minds than be your self anyway (screw them!). Do whatever the heck makes you happy. And ask for help when you need it.

Hold On to Your Mice: Malia's Blogging!

I decided to start a blog. Probably because I've been deeply obssessed with Julie & Julia lately (the movie, mostly. I really like the book but...will the real Julie Powell please sit down?? She is cray-zay). Unlike her blog, I doubt mine will catapult me into instant fame and fortune, but...a girl can dream, can't she?

(A brief digression--already: One of my favorite parts about college just happened. Me: *mouth-full of wheat-thins* Are you Hindu? My roommate: Yes. Me: Cool.)

Anyways. I just really wanted to start a blog. And I know no one (NO ONE) will read it but that is just A-OK with me. I kind of like the thought of sending all my weird thoughts/agonizing dreams out into the cyber void for all to read, because...well might as well make the most out of all this creepy technology right? We're like the only time period that can do stuff like this.

So let's just have an Introductory Blog. I'm Malia. My blog is called Snow. White. and has a picture of Snow White on it because I am the palest, brunettest, most naive, sing-songiest, floatiest, hopeless-ist romantic-ist person I and all who know me have ever met--kinda like...you get the picture!

I daydream a lot. A. Lot. Like I have a whole world of my own in my head that I'm the queen over. I think this worries my mom, but don't worry Mom. I also live in reality--which is why I like to daydream. I don't really understand why it's socially unacceptable to burst into song when emotion becomes unbearable to carry, but I don't understand a lot of things!

I'm a freshman at the UW and I'm kind of freaking out about it. I was the most excited person for college I've ever seen, and now I'm the most soul-crushed person by college I've ever seen. Probably because of all the daydreaming. But maybe a little soul-crushing now and then is healthy. Because I am also one of those people who can see the light at the end of any tunnel. And I see a big one glimmering at the end of this one.

I really like writing in my journal, reading books, coloring pictures, singing, acting, doing yoga, etc...yes I can be a bit of an introvert. But I also love taking my little socially awkward self out to mix with all the other socially awkward people college is teeming with. And I love hanging out with my family. My mom and sister are basically my BFFs. And my daddy is still my hero. And my brother...well, we love Connor.

So, that's me. I guess. Lord knows I'm still trying to figure out who I am! So, at this point in time--this is what I have been compelled to write about myself. And now my blog has become long-winded and all about myself so now, no one will read it FOR REAL.

Plus I have an early class tomorrow and I'm up way too late.

Blog at y'all laytah!