Pedestrian Peeves.

Even though I am one most of the time, I really really dislike pedestrians while I'm driving. Especially the ones who cross in front of you in parking lots. Especially when you don't even get an acknowledging thank-you wave! Or when they run with those little steps that doesn't make them go any faster but makes them look stupid.

No seriously. They drive me crazy.

Cherry Bomb!

As far back as I can remember, I've always been a swirl of emotion and thoughts, impulsive and bouncing off the walls. Whenever I have to make a decision, I need to make a concious effort to not do what first pops into my mind, but to clear my head, think about it, figure out what my best option is.

I really admire people who can be calm and content. I've known people who seem to be my complete opposite, and I'm so grateful for them because sometimes it's good to realize: wait, I don't have to freak out about this, do I? Will this even matter in ten years? Ten minutes??

The other day I was feeling really calm, even content. Immediately I started growing uneasy. It's almost like I was thinking "oh GREAT. What's going to come along and ruin this peace I've somehow stumbled into? Something HAS to ruin it, right??" But I've struggled with that type of thinking for forever. I've been noticing this pattern I have, where every time I really feel happy and like I have everything ahead of me, I start trying to sabatoge myself with some new (or old) worry, thought, anything that disrupts feeling happy and peaceful. And I don't know why I do that to myself, but I'm trying to notice it and stop it now that I'm more aware of it.

In the meantime, taking time out of my day to focus on breathing and meditate on being peaceful has been really helpful. It still takes a lot of effort, but I've noticed that when I'm going through my day and I start getting all crazy about something, I have this place of peace inside me where I can go and just calm down for a second! I'm learning that I just need to let myself be calm instead whizzing from one emotion to another.

Blog at y'all later!

Meditation Hesitation

My mind has been sort of a jumble-y mess lately, which means I've been kind of anxious and just not very centered. So my wise radio DJ cousin suggested I try meditating, and that if I stick with it, I'll get some answers on how to be more peaceful.

So I've been reading up on meditation, and after some yoga, I decided to try it out today. I sat in a comfortable position, came up with a little mantra, and began breathing deeply, clearing my mind, counting to ten...aaahh.

But I couldn't do it. I couldn't sit there long enough to get past three sets of deep breaths before I started checking my phone, looking around, just getting uncomfortable. I tried twice, but I just couldn't get my mind to quiet down.

But...at least I tried? And I'm going to try again tomorrow, and the next day, etc. because I think it's important to find stillness in each day, especially when my mind has been so...unclear.

Maybe next time you hear from me I'll be a meditation expert!

KStew: Love her or Hate her...

...she's here to stay! The actress has been cause of controversy lately, especially since Twilight, the launch pad that catapulted her (slightly unwillingly, it would seem) into fame and fortune.

Though she's been around for longer (Into the Wild, In The Land of Women, even in Panic Room, Speak, and that one movie about kid-bank-robbers as a child/adolescent), it seems like critics and the general public really started paying attention to her career after Twilight. Maybe it's the fact that she handled playing such a hokey character with grace, or just the fact that she was the actress chosen to play the iconic role of Bella. Probably a mixture of both. Either way, suddenly everyone is singing her praises...or are they?

In my opinion (but what do I know?) Kristen does a great job of creating relatable characters through a mix of raw vulnerability and real-person-awkwardness, blending in little idiosyncrasies we the viewers can recognize in ourselves. Kristen has recieved widespread praise for her acting abilities, and critics generally agree that the young actress has a long and bright future ahead of her.

However. The problem that I can't help noticing is that all her roles are very distinctly Kristen. While there's nothing really wrong with that (look at Drew Barrymore for heavens' sake) it's just that her characters start to feel a bit recycled, as I notice character after character doing the same weird Bella stutter and awkward-unsure-of-herself stance. I almost start to wonder if she's just being herself in every character.

But then you read an interview (one very interesting one I read in last month's Elle) and it's more than obvious that Kristen cares deeply about her work. In the interview I read, she was enraged at the allegations that she "doesn't care" about the craft, an impression she's given people due to her alarmingly acute fear and dislike of red carpet events and other "extras" that come with being a celebrity.

She seems to be a very self-deprecating and dark individual, and I wonder where her extreme awkwardness at the events described above comes from. It's clear to anyone she's uncomfortable--remember that weird Bella stutter? It's all over Kristen's publicity events as well as her movies, and so is the awkward stance. She seems so unwilling to be put in the spotlight, and it seems like paparazzi go after her all the more because of this (exhibit A: Her intensely private relationship with RPatz. No one can leave it alone, and it's probably only because the pair refuse to open up about it with anyone).

After all is said and done, though, I think I do like Kristen Stewart. I enjoy her work even though it is all sort of the same, and I find her awkwardness sort of endearing. I just hope she gets over the self-loathing act soon, because in that industry, I'm sure there's always people wlling to do the deprecating for her.

PS: Her new movie, Welcome to the Rileys, looks wonderful. Trailer: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jjK-szKfGFQ&feature=fvst

Book Clubs!

I am dying to join a book club! Me and my friend Jenna were promising we were going to start one at school this year, but...that definitely didn't happen! Nerd Alert: I really just adore reading books and talking about them. I don't know why the idea of reading a book a month with a bunch of other people all together sounds so appealing to me, but it does! And we can meet and eat snacks and discuss our thoughts...sigh. Such bliss!

Anyway, you'd think on my frickin huge campus I'd be able to find a book club, but I don't even know where to look. Once I went with my friend Elle (actually my "big sis" in the sorority) to her "big bro's" book club (I know I know) and it was cool, except for the fact that most of it was spent discussing what to actually read one day and no one ending up actually deciding on anything...but oh well! This big gay guy wanted to read and discuss each month's issue of Cosmo, which didn't sound like a bad idea to me, but for some reason no one else wanted to! Also there was a super...suuuuper cute Men's Glee Club member there, so it wasn't a huge loss...but I ended up only going once.

Anyways, I found one that looks pretty promising....

http://http//www.elliottbaybook.com/node/clubs

so maybe I will fulfill my dream of joining a real live book club this year!

My Inspirations

These are all things that inspire me endlessly.


1. Zooey Deschanel.



My style icon! She is so quirky, offbeat, and charming. I love that she is a celebrity who remains true to who she is and stays under the radar. Confession: I google "Zooey Deschanel style guides" all the time.

Can I just take a minute to sound obsessive? Just listen to all these similarities we have (these are things I did before she even became my icon!): We both wear bangs and cat-eyes, we both like dressing up, we both like dresses and tights, we both like red lipstick, we don't drink, we both drink tea, we both like to read books and watch old movies, we both like to go to the movies, we both like to sing...I know right. It's crazy.

2. Pushing Daisies

This show...is genius. It's all bright colors, quirky characters, sharp dialogue, and fabulous fashion. I could go on and on. The acting is terrific, and the whole cast is just a breath of fresh air. The creator, Bryan Fuller, says it's all about people coming to life...if you haven't watched it yet, I recommend it like I recommend breathing oxygen. It's a necessary experience.

3. Kristin Chenoweth.



I loved her before, but this summer I checked out her book A Little Bit Wicked, a memoir of her early years, her ascent into showbiz, and just behind-the-scenes Kristin, from the library. It's fantastic. She is so optimistic and joyful and has such a down to earth attitude about the whole business of show business. You can tell she absolutely loves what she's doing, and I liked that she discussed dealing with depression despite her chronicly happy persona. I also like that she's a Christian, but she only focuses on Jesus and not all the extra stuff--she supports gay rights, she posed in a bikini shoot for FHM magazine--she's just a cool gal!

There is a Kristin Chenowith quote I discovered in my junior year and I've always tried to live by it (paraphrased): "When you learn to love yourself, with all the flaws, then you can learn to love other people; and that just makes you so happy!" It's not a beautifully crafted saying by any means, but it's simple and fresh and makes so much sense when you learn to actually live it.

I've always been a naturally happy and optimistic person, but there are so many times where I feel like I hit a rut and can't climb back out--an "emotional rabbit hole" as Kristin puts it. I felt that "soul sista" connection when I read her book and she just makes me happy!

And my god, what I wouldn't give to wear that dress!!


And of course, there's Audrey Hepburn, Marilyn Monroe, old movies, The Beatles, Katy Perry and my family...all great inspirations, but this post would be obese if I tried to write about each one! But of course, my biggest inspiration comes from being myself. I'm in the process of figuring out who I actually am and what I'm made of, and it's exciting and wonderful but also really friggin scary. But as I get closer to figuring it all out, I become endlessly inspired to keep moving forward and doing the things I love to do.

My Wish List: Fashion Edition

I know there's no such thing as back-to-school shopping in college, but I've been craving a style update! Here are the main pieces I want to build on. Enjoy!




1. A basic white button-down.



White Oxford Shirt; Old Navy



2. A cream-colored belted trench coat.




Old Navy, "New Construction", Long Button-Front Trench Coat.




3. Bright pumps.


Kawo Pumps at yesstyle.com--I like the pink!





4. A lightweight blazer.




The Boyfriend Blazer; fredflare.com



5.Retro wallet.

Cherry Hardcase Wallet; Minicci Accessories; Payless.




6. Ruffled bag.



Jessica Simpson Runway Satchel.





7. More dresses!




The Naturalist Dress; Modcloth.com






8. Pearly Headband.




Faux Pearl Headband Set; Forever 21




9. Mary-Janes.



Mary Janes, amazon.com



10. Blouses and Skirts






Striped Bow Knit Top; Forever 21 and Lori Tiered Polka Dot Skirt; delias.com.

Please Don't Take Twilight Seriously

Now, you all know that I love Twilight. Judge however you see fit, but I've never met a sparkly, perfectly coiffed vampire I didn't like.







Yeah...I know. Anyways, the thing about Twilight that keeps me coming back (despite questionable quality of the product) is this: it's just like candy! Sparkly, vampire-y, disgustingly romantic candy. I can't stop consuming it, even though I know it has no real value, it's going to make me too hyper, and it's making me gain weight. Every man in it is a perfect gentleman, it's over-the-top romantic, and it's just fun.

But here's the thing. Stephanie Meyer...is CRAZY. Twilight is a weird, Mormon-metaphore-laden, anti-feminist, poorly written modern fairy tale. I don't know what Stephanie Meyer has against her own gender, because this shit is seriously messed up.

So, dear readers, I bring you:

Lessons on Love and Life from Stephanie Meyer.

1. Abusive Behavior from your Significant Other is OK.

No seriously. Edward repeatedly belittles Bella, alone and in front of other people, keeps things from her, acts intensely jealous, controls her, bribes his sister to kidnap Bella while he's away so he can keep tabs on her, all in the name of her "safety." Since the reader has the joy to be in Bella's mind (People Magazine called her "the dullest girl in the Pacific Northwest") we know that Bella has developed issues on issues because of this behavior, but she always blames herself--never Edward. Also, Bella repeatedly chooses to put herself into dangerous and life-threatening situations all in the name of love.
One particularly disturbing event doesn't concern Bella at all, but Sam-the-Werewolf's finacee Emily. Half her face is mauled beyond repair because "Sam lost his temper, and Emily was standing too close." --New Moon. Yeah, I know. And yet Emily still refers to herself as a "wolf girl". Wha??

2. Sex. Is. Bad.

Here's where most of the Mormon comes in. Since Bella is a regular human being, she has a sex drive. And since she is an eighteen-year-old straight female, she really wants to have sex with her boyfriend, who she is in love with. But Edward is much too much of a gentleman to "allow" this. Every time Bella expresses a desire for sex, Edward freaks out and pushes her away, giving her the cold shoulder (literally, since Meyer's vampires' skin is ice-cold!) and making her feel ashamed. He says it's too "dangerous" and he might "lose control." Uh, that's the point, Edward, hasn't centuries of repeating high school sex ed taught you anything? Well...probably not LOL.
Here's where the Mormon thing realllly comes in. Edward says they can have sex when Bella becomes a vampire, which Bella really wants to do because she thinks it's the only world where she really fits in, and she never feels fully accepted by the Cullen family until she does become a vampire. Edward leaves Bella in New Moon, but then returns because it's lurrrrve and the promise of Bella becoming a vampire now hangs in the air. Gag. The whole series ends [spoiler alert] with Bella becoming a part of a big happy baby-filled Mormon--I MEAN VAMPIRE--family. Yay!

3. Fun is Dumb.

Bella and Edward NEVER have fun. They're always staring into each others' eyes and torturedly discussing the future, who's the latest villain trying to kill them, blah blah blah. Oy my blood pressure. And every normal person having fun, going to prom, etc. is seen as totally lame and trivial. Whaaatever.

4. Frat Boys? Really??

OK so you know that part in Twilight when Bella almost gets gang-banged by a bunch of scummy guys in some alley in Port Angeles, but then Edward rides in on his trusty Shiny Silver Volvo and saves her from certain virtue-less doom?
Well, in the credits of the movie, they're called Frat Guys. STEPHANIE! What are we going to do with you? Frat boys are mostly douchey, yes, and some can be creepy, but I DOUBT they hang out in packs in alleyways waiting to gang-rape seventeen-year-olds at like 8:30 pm. Or at least not in Seattle.

5. Women Are Idiots.

Oh, I could go on forever. But basically any woman who is not in a solid monogamous relationship, who goes out with different boys, who seems to have any personality, or who expresses disdain for Bella in anyway, are seen as stupid, bitchy, or just...bad.

And the fact that Bella is such a drab, boring, whiny, annoying heroine is just the cherry on top of this sugary pink cupcake of a series =) but seriously, Stephanie Meyer said that she gave Bella no personality on purpose so that she would be "relatable." Ohhh, so that's the demographic.

Anyways, there's always more I could go on about, but those are my top 5. I think me and Jasper should run away together to a better book series.



MMhmm. He can suck my blood anytime.